Perception is reality
How a person feels about a situation is more important than unbiased actual reality of the situation
Here is a common situation I encounter every now and then.
Alice and Bob have a disagreement about decision on a project P
Alice believes that Bob is wrong and she can substantiate with logical reasoning
Alice puts forward her argument and forges ahead
Bob feels that his opinion wasn’t heard and becomes upset, which if compounded colors his future interactions with Alice
I’ve found myself in Alice’s shoes a lot. Alice put forward a logical argument that was rational and communicated well. She doesn’t see a reason why Bob walks away from the initial interaction with any negative emotions.
What is missing in these scenarios is that the person on the other side is driven as much by emotions as by logic. We are humans after all. Whether we acknowledge it or not, we walk away from day to day interactions compounding the emotional takeaways at least as much as logical takeaways or sometimes more. Where the person on the other side lies on that spectrum depends on how much historical trust you’ve built up with that person (cue trust battery).
Weeks down the road, Bob is more likely to recall his emotional takeaways than to recall how convincing the logical argument was.
Here is a revised version of the events that makes Bob go “all-in” with the plan
Alice and Bob have a disagreement about decision on a project P
Alice hears out Bob’s reasoning, assumptions and point-of-view (many other ways to build up trust battery as well)
Alice discusses where she makes different assumptions or reasoning that lead to different conclusion and then substantiates with logical reasoning how she arrived at her decision
Bob might still disagree but commits and he feels that he was heard
Underlying theme here is that how a person feels after an interaction is more likely to shape their world view of another person than anything else. Over time their perception forms their reality.